SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE

How do you treat your marriage? Are you generous to it? Do you take the initiative to add fun, flavour and fire into it or have you settled for the norm while your marriage could have been extraordinary? 

Apart from marriage being a divine institution that requires the hand of God, there are many things that you can do to enrich your marriage. One such aspect is  be to deliberately great to your marriage, to give it special care and attention. 
With busy work schedules, parenting and numerous social engagements, a couple can easily neglect their marriage and fail to give it the attention that it deserves. When this happens, marriage becomes lackluster. But you can change that by purposing to spice up your marriage. Add interesting and creative activities into it and rekindle the love and laughter every day of the week. Here are a few suggestions.

Love Everywhere

Call your spouse at work or at home or send him or her sweet text messages or emails. This is always a much appreciated gesture. It leaves your spouse feeling loved, appreciated and makes them know that you are thinking about them. Love notes or small cards can be slipped into the handbag, pockets, wallets, under the pillow among other strategic places. Imagine the nice feeling when your partner receives them. Here is a perfect example of a wife who knew just where to keep such notes. Keith was anxious about the presentation he was due to give in the next half hour. The company he worked for was pitching to a multinational and it was Keith’s biggest presentation and his bosses’ were expecting him to close the deal. His wife Claire was aware of how important this was to him and how hard he had worked. Before Keith left for the office, she slipped a sweet love note inside his laptop and another inside his dairy. Unaware, Keith opened his laptop only to find a lovely uplifting message from his wife. He smiled boldly and felt as though he had already gotten halfway through. He found the other note while retrieving some information from his diary, as the multinational representatives walked into the boardroom. The second love note boosted his confidence even higher and he gave a brilliant presentation. His company got the deal; his wife got the dinner, the flowers and the chocolate. Awesome!

Love in Action

Acts that show your partner that you love and care are an effective way to fire up your marriage. At a recent married couple’s dinner, the host asked couples to share their top secret recipe that spices up their marriage. One young couple revealed how they play pretend (right in their bedroom) as professional masseuse and give each other a full body massage. The husband continued. ‘It starts off with a fake phone call to the massage salon where I request for a full body massage. They send me a masseuse who happens to be my wife. She drives over, takes me through the various packages and the cost for each. I agree to all the terms and she goes on to perform the massage. After a tiring day at work, this is utter bliss. Playing pretend adds laughter as we try not to mix business with pleasure, which is a very hard task’ he concluded with a shy smile.

Beautiful Words

Words of appreciation and admiration have such a powerful effect they leave your partner feeling confident all day. Begin the day with words of praise to your husband or wife and look out for the smile or blush. Lovingly appreciate your wife for preparing a refreshing breakfast. Affirm your husband’s driving skills. Words such as ‘I appreciate how well you provide for our family’ boosts your husband’s morale a thousand times over and drives him to go the extra mile for his appreciative wife. Let your wife know how much you appreciate her care towards the children and the home. Even if a career woman, sincerely appreciate her input and any other positive traits. Do not forget to admire your spouse’s physical appearance, a new dress, a tie or a hairstyle that looks good on them. You can never go wrong with sweet words of praise.

Love in a Letter

Write a letter to your sweetheart and tell them why you would marry him or her all over again. Tell them how much they mean to you, how much you have enjoyed the time you have been together (despite hi-cups that every marriage faces) and how much you want to continue sharing your life and love with him or her. In short, share your feelings, your dreams and hopes. This is the part where you avoid bringing up the bad memories as your spouse will want to keep the letter to read in the future and will not want bad memories tagging along.

Delightful Friday

Choose a night when you can stay late and watch your wedding video alone, preferably in the bedroom. Look through your wedding pictures and savor the memories etched within. Gather other items such as birthday cards, love letters and gifts items you exchanged during your courtship and enjoy the beautiful recollection. Listen to the music that played on your wedding day and put on your wedding gown for your husband to remember. Turn the evening into a delightful one. If possible, go back to your honeymoon destination and request to be given the exact suite you shared during your stay. This kind of activity gives a couple the opportunities to reflect on their marriage, recommit themselves to one another as well as heal a wounded heart. It is a sure way to rekindle the love that you shared during your courtship and earlier days of your marriage.

Step in the name of love

The aroma of steaming coffee and pancakes fills your bedroom. You think you are having a sweet dream until you hear your children talking excitedly. It’s Sunday morning and your help does not come in today. You turn to tell your husband that someone has been kind enough to prepare breakfast only to find him gone. You jump out of bed and are met by a clean and tidy house, breakfast ready and served, clean dishes and happy children. Imagine the special feeling in your heart; the smile and the tears of joy that you so want to hide. You cannot help but feel loved and appreciated. As you sip your coffee, you look at your husband lovingly, silently planning to reciprocate this act of love with something he will never forget. What’s your spouse’s routine? Washing the car? Cooking? These routines are tiring and can get dull. Once in a while, in the spirit of love, step into your spouse’s shoes; send them off to rest while you take care of things. This helps you appreciate the effort they put in their chores while at the same time gives your spouse much needed rest. They will come back energized and feeling good.

The list of ideas on how to spice up your marriage is endless; all it needs is a little creativity and imagination. From dinner reservations to simple surprise gifts, there is so much you can do for your marriage that will accelerate its growth and bring you closer, add joy and fulfillment. Do not procrastinate; do not wait to have a lump some money or a big idea, in a committed marriage relationship, the simple things count just as much as the grand. Do something great for your marriage today.

WHEN HORNS LOCK

...Let them lock!

My friend Tania had had enough of her older brother trying to run her life. ‘It is so unfair for him to keep telling me off like this…she said angrily. 

‘What is it this time?’ I asked, concerned. 

‘My brother thinks that instead of pursuing my love for cooking, I should do bee keeping. ..’ I laughed and then apologized. 

Then she continued…’just because he has money does not give him the right to decide what I should do with my life. I am gifted in this field and I will pursue it with all I have, even if he does not give me a dime!’ Tania was obviously very angry, and she had every right to be. 

Her brother had once again downplayed her desires to pursue catering which she always excelled in and instead gave her a quick fix…rear pigs and bees, they have good money. But for her, it was not just about the money, it was about her passion and the direction she wanted her life to take. 

I had personally seen Tania turn an ordinary meal into a sumptuous delicacy and I knew she was gifted. However, upon asking her older brother to give her some little capital to set up her business, he instead gave her his idea of what she should pursue.

This kind of scene happens to many people, especially to young people who are still dependent on their parents, sibling or sponsors. Usually, it is a case of a passionate youth who has a vision and has figured out what they want to do in life, locking horns with a parent who wants them to tow the family profession or another authoritative figure in their life asking them to take a certain career move because it’s the most rewarding, financially. 

I agree that there is a need to counsel and offer career advice to young people as this usually helps them make informed decisions before pursuing a particular path. However, the problem sets in when the guardian completely takes over and insists on a particular direction, completely ignoring the other side. 

You see, when God created us, he placed special gifts and abilities in us that would enable us to be productive in life. He backed this up with a great passion to pursue our vision and be what he designed us to be. 

Every time someone is forced by another or by circumstances to pursue a path that is contrary to their vision, the gifts in them are underutilized and become a waste at the end of the day. Have you ever wondered why some people seem so dissatisfied, so unfulfilled and so unhappy, dragging themselves to and from work, counting down to home time, and serving clients grudgingly at work? 

More often than not, they are not in their fort, they are not doing what they passionately would have wanted to do, their real identity is caged, they are doing what they have to do not what they would love to do. Their gifts and strengths do not necessarily apply in their current job and so they feel wasted. 

They are disconnected from their natural element.

Guardians to young visionaries need to start giving them an opportunity to pursue their real passion. Where possible, they should support them financially and mentor them until they achieve their dreams. 
They should not be obsessed with the desire to raise duplicates; rather they should sacrifice their own preferences to see someone become what they were meant to be.

Should you find yourself in this situation, know that you will have to fight for your place in the circle of life. No one will give it to you on a silver platter, many will do only what is convenient for them. It is up to you to push to get where you want to be. 

HOW LOVE WINS

       ONE DAY WITH THE KING

The jovial and hopeful smile was no longer there. In its place was a long gloomy face covered with stress lines and sunken teary eyes. My days too were dark and long and my nights flooded with tears. Basic needs such as food, rent, school fees and clothing were hard to come by and I was in serious debt. My health too was fleeting away. I remember passing by a blood donation center and submitting myself to donate some blood; I desperately wanted to do something good. Upon checking my blood level, the attendant informed me that I could not donate. He advised me to feed well and rest.  I was devastated, but I knew it was true. My once fitting trousers and skirts were now sagging. I was depleted and not just physically but spiritually and mentally too.

Believing to find a better day, I moved from job to job, but none of them worked. They all came with great promises and delivered nothing. I deeply longed for a new day in my life, I longed for peace, happiness and for the assurance that things were going to be okay. I looked for solutions everywhere, from empty bottles, purposeless relationships and worthless work, all of them left me broken, broke and disgusted.

Then I reached my breaking point. I could not go on like this any longer. Things had to change, and change for the better.

Completely hopeless and helpless, and with no other choice, someone pointed the Palace to me. I was ready to give anything and anyone a chance in exchange for a better day, just one perfect day in my life. I made my way to the Palace. The high gates were well guarded but no one stopped me. On the contrary, the guards ushered me in like a valued visitor. 

As fragile as I was, I started walking down the aisle towards the throne where the King was seated surrounded by his servants. Upon seeing me, the King in his grace and majesty arose. He looked at me with such warmth I wanted to run into his arms and never leave but I was afraid. I felt I did not deserve to be in his presence. But as I got nearer to the throne, the King took a step towards me and stretched out his scepter. I knew instantly that he accepted me as I was; I was finally in good hands. I touched the scepter and fell into his warm embrace for an eternal hug. His warmth filled my stone cold body. His peace flooded my disturbed mind as he run his fingers through my hair. His heartbeat, beating against my racing one calmed me down as my tears soaked his royal gown. 

I had never known such peace, such joy and an overwhelming sense of freedom and belonging. Then with the softest of whispers, he breathed into my ear ‘welcome home child’. I never wanted to leave, I never did.

With his arm around my waist, he took me round the Palace to show me everything he had stored up for me.  The promise of peace, joy and health, a great marriage, a thriving and impacting ministry, a life of purpose and prosperity were mine to have. My eyes welled up with tears at the thought of how much I had taken myself through, how much I had led a self-life while there was so much for me to enjoy and to give.

That day, as I walked out of the Palace gates, my step had a new bounce; my heart resonated with a new song,of hope,of hope,of renewal. My mind was filled with all the great ideas I was going to explore and fulfill. My spirit had been reborn and with it a brand new life. My one day with the King had given my entire life meaning, and I was going to live it up!